I have had to ask this question of someone recently when I realized marriage meant nothing to him. There are a lot of people today who are married and have no idea why they got hooked up to their partners. The rate of challenges and troubles in marriages today is a direct reflection of the foundations they laid or even the lack of it at the beginning.
In many homes today, abuses are rampant. I am not talking about the husband abusing the wife physically; I am discussing situations where both parties abuse themselves physically, verbally and emotionally without regards to the emotional trauma they are creating for their children (in cases where they already have children). If only people can think through their desires for getting married to someone at the onset, they will live better lives together.
Marriage is an institution wherein you are to find joy, strength, shared values, emotional and physical compatibility and growth. It should be a harbinger of sorts; a refuge and a fortress in the times of troubles. If you cannot find rest in your home or marriage, where else should you go? One of the reasons people are dying early in most instances is because they are in wrong marriages. I read somewhere some days ago, and it was a famous man who was quoted: “If you want to live long, marry a good wife”. This, I believe applies to a woman too!
What is the essence of getting married to someone you know you cannot tolerate? You should know from the beginning what you can take and what you can’t. Someone said, “love makes you do stupid things”. I disagree! Stupidity makes you do stupid things. Love is a great thing; we must not get it twisted. What we call love in the above context is actually infatuation – a situation where you are driven by mere feelings without involving your head. Love is not blind; it is not unreasonable but is logical and thinks things through. Yes, its forgiving and forbearing but it is definitely not stupid.
For all its worth, marry someone you can live with and tolerate and forgive. Work on yourself to a level of maturity emotionally before you bring someone into your life. Don’t complicate another person’s life when you have not sorted out the issues you are unable to deal with in your own life by marrying. Marriage can’t fix your attitude problems; you have to fix that so you can bring something to the table for your partner. Not understanding that marriage is a place of contribution to the other person’s life and not a place where you come to “take” is the bane of many homes.
What is the challenge you are having in your marriage right now? Stand in front of the mirror and fix the man or the woman in that mirror first. Blaming your partner for your choice you made in marrying him or her and taking the fight to them will not solve your inner issues you need to fix. Marriage can be a blissful experience; make yours one.
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Relationship Frank Talk 